When Motherhood Hurts…

“When Motherhood Hurts – But God Still Heals” by Annaliza Reiko A. Namiki-Le.

I never imagined I’d be here—mid-forties, wife to a licensed minister, mother of four, and deeply committed to the will of God. But my journey didn’t start with light and victory. It started in pain, confusion, and what felt like irredeemable mistakes.

My eldest son, almost 21, recently moved away. While he doesn’t fully reject God, he’s not living for Him either. His father is an unbeliever, and though his grandparents are contemporary Christians, I wrestle with the feeling that the damage is done. That I failed. But still—I pray. I plead the blood of Jesus over my children every day, even when I don’t see the fruit. Especially then.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

I came to the Lord as a former mocker of the faith—what some might have called an “anti-Christ” spirit. I was a single mom of three boys, struggling to survive, when God broke into my life. When I joined UPCI, I thought I’d launch a single mom’s ministry. I asked God for another chance to be a biblical wife, and He answered. But I had no idea how hard blended family life would be.

Motherhood didn’t become easier. In fact, it felt harder. I questioned what I was teaching my children—split between households, between belief and unbelief. One of my sons was baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost, and I remembered a dream I had of him surrounded by bad influences but still receiving the Spirit. Maybe God was showing me, “I’ve got him.”

Yet guilt creeps in. Shame from my past—four children by three different fathers—tries to disqualify me. My psychiatric past whispers that I’m unworthy. But I reject those lies. My God delivered me from depression, from co-dependency, from suicidal thoughts that began when I was only eight. The enemy tried to write me off, but God gave me a new name and a new mission.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (II Corinthians 5:17)

Now, I am part of the Music Ministry Team, lead Social Ministry, and help victims of domestic violence. But most of all, I pray. I cry out that when my sons face things they can’t share with me, they’ll run to Jesus. That they’ll remember the prayers I cried when life was unjust and violent. That they’ll recall not just my words—but my tears, my surrender, my worship.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9)

Kids remember what they see. And if nothing else, I pray they saw me choose Christ over chaos. That even in my weakness, they saw faith. Because motherhood may hurt—but God still heals.

Information from:
Ladies Prayer International Newsletter – UPCI Ladies Ministries – ladiesprayerinternational-aol.com@shared1.ccsend.com